you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
