It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
