She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
