no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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