why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
