please come you make the beer taste better
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
