and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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