Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
