I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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