Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
