i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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