I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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