I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize