I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
