Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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