I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
