im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize