it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
