It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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