you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
