i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
