Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
