Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize