so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
