I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
