Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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