haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i came on her dog
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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