Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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