also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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