haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
