someone threw a dead crab at me
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
