I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
