I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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