Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
