You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
