You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
