before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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