I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
