You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
