Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
