I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
