yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
