My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
