Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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