Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
