I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
