He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
