the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
