You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
