he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
