Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
