I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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