i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
