So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize