At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
