I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
