I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
