I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
