whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
