Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
