Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
