I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
