Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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