Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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