You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
