she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
