It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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