sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
