Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
In America we eat man semen.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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