yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
